My anxiety problems come and go, and right now, after a period when I was soooo self-confident and walked across parking lots with ease, they've come back. Another name for the problem is agoraphobia, which as far as I can tell has two meanings: fear of fear (probably with me all my life, accounting for a dislike of flying, though I do it on occasion, a dislike of being in an elevator by myself), a pure avoidance of escalators, etc. But another is fear of open spaces, and that's what's tripping me up right now. I particularly have trouble getting from my house to the car in the garage and back again and also getting into my office, though like many phobics I have devishly clever ways of coping, circumventing, etc. But this time I am much more philosophical about the whole thing--I refuse to live my whole life this way, and I know it will pass, as it always does. My doctor tells me there's no accoutning for when it comes and goes, so I've tried to stop analyzing whether or not it's the dentist appt. in the morning or the lunchtime speaking engagement (actually I think I'll enjoy that). Since I once took a spectacular fall outside the dentist office, they know me and I only have to call and ask them to walk me in and out, and they're gracious. So I'm trying very hard not to take it seriously, not to let it dominate my thoughts, and to be honest about it. When Sandy, whose window looks out from our side of the office, asked why I went in the other door today, I explained that I'd had a panic attack going in the usual way the other day, and she seemed to take that just fine. So wish me luck, folks. I think this will be a mild attack, short in duration, and I'm optimistic. Meantime I'm coping. Now if I could banish those 6 a.m. thoughts!
Had lunch with two friends today who are both on Weight Watchers--it sure does make for conversation.Jeannie thinks my point limit is too low, but Jean says it's because I'm shorter than Jeannie. Anyway tonight I had a good supper and just barely stayed within my points for the day--half a sirloin pattie on rye bread with mayo and sliced tomato, and a salad made of the rest of the tomato, an avocado (the point killer, even though it's good for you), blue cheese (just a little) and lemon juice. My oh my, I did enjoy that, with a glass of wine of course (another point killer).
A working day. Got lots done at the office--writing contracts, etc., all acquisitions work that I enjoy. Plus the GooglePrint settlement keeps rearing its ugly head--and getting more confusing each time. Then came home to a desk full of projects, including promoting the cookbook. But I have a new novel idea kicking around in the back of my mind. Wrote a longtime friend about it today, just exploring, and he thought it was really good and could go places. So now I'm determined to finish the WIP (Sisters in Crime shorthand for work in progress) and get on with this new, totally different project that will require me to go back and research a lot of material I once researched thoroughly. But since I've been looking for a project that will engage me, this may be it. Moving on, I think, is always good.